Putchie's Bitch List

Funniest Video of 08

2009-01-12T01:50:00.000-08:00

In case you aren't tired of all the "Best of 08 Lists," here is my contribution. At least it isn't a list. Clip taken from the Brit version of american idol.

And unfortunately, it never gets better than michael jackson and "you with the broom." But the original is pretty funny.

Oh-Twelve: The Meth Ticket

2009-01-12T01:46:00.001-08:00

Before I forget... Keith Olberman's post-election depression is alleviated by getting a jump-start on election politics for 2012. Fine, but who is that annoying "comedian" commenting? Not funny!

Happy New Year from Kanor's Fridge

2008-12-31T03:42:00.000-08:00

The Business of Being Born: A Must See

2008-12-16T12:05:00.000-08:00

Ricki Lake has outdone herself this time. The movie is way better than I thought it would be. It contrasts home births to hospital births in what I think is a most accurate comparison. I began cringing at the sight of hospital beds, and became overwhelmed with emotion during the 4-5 home births depicted. If you have any question in your mind that homebirths aren't better, I highly recommend watching this movie. Also, if you are a junkie for the fundamental drama of watching birthing scenes like me, you will get your fix. I give it an A++++++.

CALL IN GAY

2008-12-10T08:07:00.000-08:00

It's the perfect excuse to stay home today, the national A Day Without Gay day. Woo, hoo! Let's celebrate with some hot sodomy. FYI, it's supposed to be a protest against the passing of prop 8. Too bad the economy is so bad right now and everyone will probably just go to work.

My plug for Bitch Magazine

2008-12-05T09:18:00.000-08:00

DG dragged me into Barnes and Noble last weekend. I went in on the pretense that he would buy me coffee, as he realized that I otherwise would have insisted on waiting in the car. I hate Barnes and Noble. Holding my coffee, I skeptically browsed the magazine shelves, to find to my great surprise... Bitch Magazine, The Loud Issue. Right here, in North Carolina! I grabbed it off the shelf, proudly paraded it around the store, and even ended up buying it. The cashier looked at it, thumbed through it for a minute, but said he had never read it. That's a step forward, right?

I want Barnes and Noble to always carry Bitch. It's important for an indie feminist magazine to not just sit in Portland, but actually reach the masses. And that's why, despite being a filthy poor grad student, as of yesterday I have become a sustaining member of Bitch Magazine. I signed up at the $5/month level, an amount that I may or may not miss. You can join too, by clicking here.

WTF Mr. Stewart

2008-12-05T08:56:00.000-08:00

Speaking of condoms, what does John Stewart have against them? Apparently a Planned Parenthood in Indiana is selling gift cards for the holidays, and of course John Stewart has to make a dig at it.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Planned Parenthood Gift Cards

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Doesn't he know that Planned Parenthood offers a variety of essential services to people who don't have medical insurance? I'm going to make a GIANT leap here and assume the John Stewart is privileged enough to have never set foot in a Planned Parenthood, so he wouldn't know. If I had a daughter and lived in Bloomington, IN, I would buy her a gift card to PP just to spite him. Grrrrr.

Presidential Condoms

2008-12-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

Whaaat in the world...

Are these serious? It's just a gag gift, right? Because... what a turn off. I mean, Obama is sort of attractive (Jezebel's #1 Sexy Everyday Man), but in a paternal way. If I had to look at Obama right before I wanted to have sex, I would just NEVER have sex. So for me, they would work really well as a sexual deterrent... which might not be so bad, at this point. I mean, sex, what a waste of time. Now, if I could only figure out a similar strategy to make me stop blogging and start studying more...

Ricki Lake gave birth 10 years ago, we finally get to watch.

2008-12-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

I was just watching Ricki Lake acting pregnant in Cry Baby this weekend, and was wondering what it would look like to watch her push it out. Now, I will be able to find out. The new movie she is producing, "The Business of Being Born," will show a number of births, including Ricki giving birth to Milo in her bath tub.

I am quite excited about this film. Apparently, it's going to feature less of the stereotypical birthing scene, i.e. crying women screaming for an anaesthesia injection and a baby suddenly appearing out of nowhere, and more of what it is really like to see a baby being born in a healthy, non-hospital environment. So there will be vaginas, there will be mucus, there will be placentas, and there will be real women sharing positive stories about giving birth. Hurray for Ricki Lake!

Okay, folks. Putchie is back.

2008-12-02T12:01:00.000-08:00

I found myself a little lonely after the election, what with Sarah Palin back in the sidelines. One of the things that I've noticed about the other blogs is when nothing is going on, I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, they choose a celebrity punching bag and just harp on that person. The only celebrity punching bags I have chosen so far have been Sarah Palin and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, who are relatively boring right now. But don't worry. I will work on finding others.

ali g breaks down my entire field of study

2008-11-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

this poor chem professor. but also, what piece of glassware is that? a column, or a buret? i have never seen anything like that before.

Boo to PETA!

2008-11-16T07:16:00.000-08:00

Fur-clad Lindsay Lohan was pummeled with flour while leaving a Paris night club by a PETA activist.

All I have to say is FUCK THAT SHIT. It's impossible to actually change people's minds about an issue by harassing and physically attacking them. In fact, despite my love of animals and own strong inclination to support animal rights and PETA, I cannot support a move like this. Especially since I believe that there may be some hope for Lindsay Lohan, and that PETA just brought us backward five steps with her. Thanks a lot, bitches.

Excerpts from PETA's blog post:

"Lindsay Lohan s tan turned noticeably paler tonight after an anti-fur activist showered her with flour at a nightclub in Paris. Lindsay was on her way into the VIP room on the Champs-Elys es just after 1 a.m. early Saturday when she had an entire bag of flour dumped over her head."

"When Lindsay was named to PETA's annual Worst-Dressed List earlier this year, her entry read: 'I Know Who Killed Me isn't just the title of Lindsay Lohan s latest bomb, it's the cry of the animals snuffed out so that this 'mean girl' can pose in their pelts. Lindsay, there s no road to recovery for the foxes who are anally electrocuted so that you can look skanky.'"

Leibovitz v. Nadar

2008-11-12T13:04:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i have to pull the smith art history education out of my ass. why now! why now!

Both racey photos of the time. Similar subject matter. Both pushing the limits of the medium. Blah blah blah. Insert essay here.

dan savage... come be my gay friend!

2008-11-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

There is so much good shit out there from this election cycle, i'm probably going to be posting this sort of thing up here for months.

Dan Savage is offering to be Sarah Palin's "gay friend," LOL. Clip below.

I wonder how the Pa would respond to Savage, in real life. I was looking for a video response from her but couldn't find one.

2008-11-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

Coulter: is she worth listening to? As a person who is pretty against both liberals and conservatives, I think she provides a good check for the soft liberals of the moment. I think her critique of mainstream media is valid. She cuts through the bullshit, wont let anyone correct her, makes her point, and that's it. If only she weren't a fundamentalist christian with evil hair... Personally, I sort of enjoy seeing her get going, even though I know she would haaaaate me.

and ps, couric is hot!

new decisions, introspection: only for the tough stomached

2008-11-08T16:23:00.001-08:00

it's funny to go onto my old company's website and see pictures of myself, and then to see my car parked in the parking lot there on the satellite image that i pasted on the website two years ago to help visitors find the place. that time of my life feels so far away, and i was there just a year ago. my life has moved VERY fast, but has slowed down to a walking pace so i am just now feeling the motion sickness. suddenly, i am noticing the absence of all the people and things that i cared a great deal about only a year ago. everything is gone.

To copy the gawker liberal media elite: Live Blogging on Election Day!!!

2008-11-04T05:07:00.000-08:00

Liveblogging: failed. But at least we have a cool new president.

PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!!!!!!

4:52 pm. Apparently if you vote, you can get a nifty free vibrator from Toys in Babeland. Fun, fun for everyone. Also, I think I know which prof. I want to work for. FINALLY.

12:19 pm. Still no news, but man, I have some bad gas. Gotta take one of those tablets...

8:08 am It's 8 in the morning, EST. Wake up everybody! Time to vote! Why hasn't Jez posted anything yet? Who's ahead, NYT? No one seems to know yet. I guess I'll just have to get ready for work, like everyone else.

What will happen if Sarah Palin is VP....

2008-11-03T21:35:00.000-08:00

Bigguth dickuth! Just think of all the fun we will have with a VP that can't tell the low, sexy cat-like voice of Sarkozy from the high-pitched winnie of a Quebecois radio talk show host.

The Inner Clitoris

2008-11-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

I am just now discovering Dr. Dodson, the masturbation expert, on YouTube. I love her enthusiasm at the end, and how her drawing goes from technical to completely passionate.

Making out with all the good ones.

2008-11-02T10:46:00.000-08:00

Last night was pretty fantastic. First B and I went to a silly boy-band show where her friends were playing. They were... okay, I guess, for that style of music. Then these scruffy guys came out on the stage, and I got excited because I thought it was going to be some jam-band shit. But it was another boy band, just in disguise! In fact, they were practically N'Sync! Pfff. I half-assedly stalked this greasy guy who had heavy black eyeliner, but it was no use. A totally bunk scene.

Next we went to several bars, spending money like we had just got paid (which is true). Finally we ended up at the southern rail and found ourselves surrounded by the gay guys from last weekend. The one in the stripey shirt whispered something into the short hot one's ear, who then came over and asked, "Are you a les-be-yun?" How can I argue with that, even if it's not true. I can't. I said, "Yeah!" and soon found myself surrounded by really hot gay guys, dancing. I made out with the guy in the stripey shirt (same one from last weekend), and also made out with P. P is not gay. He is a really cute guy with a cute dog and I love everything about his facial expressions and mannerisms. In fact, I would call him completely adorable. But anyway, I soon began chasing the striped one, because I seem to be in love with him when I'm drunk. This pisses B off a lot. She doesn't think he's worth any of my attention. I don't care. It doesn't really matter, because the true or false fact is that I am in the market for girls, not boys. My heart really belongs to all the gay girls out there. Cause I'm gay.

Fuck yeah! Best celebrity gossip, ever!

2008-11-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

Why didn't I know about this before? I have a new found respect for Ms. Lohan. She's gay, out, not an annoying lesbian stereotype, and she's dating a really hot DJ. Awesome!

I just got hit my a car!

2008-10-31T12:05:00.001-07:00

hey andrew,

just now i was riding my bike down franklin, crossed into carrboro, and was chugging along when i see a big truck start to pull out. too late! i braked and swerved but the truck slammed into me, anyway. i got a little lucky, as the driver saw me in time to start to brake... so he didn't completely run me over. my back wheel was bent so they took me to back alley and got it fixed.

getting hit by a car is a completely jarring thing. i am still shaky from the experience. i think my ankle is sprained and my knees are sore, but it's not too bad.

so anyway, be careful on franlin/west main around performance bicycles. i think it's hard for cars to pull out around there.

-l. (the TA)

Hagan's going to kick your ass!

2008-10-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

It was def worth coming to grad school in North Carolina, just for the politics. I totally voted for this woman, like, two weeks ago. Look at her hot little mouth move around.

Her and Dole are almost exactly tied. According to some polls, she's a little ahead, and to others, she's a little behind. Y'all better get out and vote for her, tho, because otherwise she will kick yo ass (or Dole's. I would.)

Remember to vote in North Carolina

2008-10-30T05:16:00.000-07:00

Since no one is commenting, I will comment.

There's something about the last line that just gets me every time.

Palin v. Science

2008-10-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

According to the Huffington Post, in a speech regarding autism, Sarah Palin slams recent studies regarding the presence of the protein, neurexin, as essential for neurological function (an important discovery with respect to curing/treating autism). If you click the link, you can read all about it and watch the clip. So, WTF? Is she stupid, or does she just hate science? Watch out, "Oh-twelve," we're in for a wild ride.

P.S.

2008-10-28T20:27:00.001-07:00

This week's episode of californication is hilarious, by the way. Moreso than usual. You can watch it here http://tvshack.net/tv_shows/Californication/season_2/episode_6/

Joe Biden Fields Ridiculous Questions

2008-10-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

I hate the way that this clip is edited, but I guess you can really focus on the bizarre questions that Barbara West is asking our future vice president. Clip below.

Do I even need to write anything about this? It is really silly to indicate that an administration under Obama would be socialist or communist. Our current economic system is more than a far stone's throw away from the slightly socialist governments of Europe. Also, this "quote" from Obama regarding Joe the Plumber is a misquote. I can't believe that this was on TV. Also, I think it's funny how concerned Biden looks at the end.

Just to remind you, here is the full clip of Obama's conversation with Joe the Plumber:

And Obama actually shouts back at the end that Joe's taxes might go down under his plan! So does this make Obama a commie?

buck rogers is too shy to comment, so he gets his own post.

2008-10-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

buck rogers: is this your new blogg'd?

5:40 PM me: yeshm

5:43 PM buck rogers: hah

i love how it says "viewer discretion: adult content"!

5:44 PM me: i had something really raunchy on there that i took off

buck rogers: i had to "sign some release form" before viewing your blogg'd

whatever. you ARE raunchy

you should wear a viewer-discretion sandwhich board

oh blogg'ds

me: lol

buck rogers: blogg'ds are for pussies who can't speak their minds in real life- except in your case i'm sure you do as well

5:45 PM i have a blogg'd

but i'm too hipster/fearful to update the damn thing

5:46 PM hah. your highschool boyfriend was cute and nerdy just like you!

me: it was my middle school bf

yeah we really connected

5:47 PM okay, just for you i'm going to repost the raunchy one

5:48 PM it's at the bottom

link me to your blog

5:52 PM buck rogers: is it, uh, 'black angel is my hero?'

i'm getting tired of McSpace

it's too corporate

me: no, it's "was fucking in the backyard a bad idea"

buck rogers: hmm, i'm not seeing it, lemme re-load page

5:54 PM you know you're truly hot, when even a gay man fucks you

5:55 PM i can't believe these things happen to you, l- do they?

5:56 PM if not, i think investigative journalism may be truly for you!

me: lol

buck rogers: i especially liked the ending

the party's gonna stay at the party

classy

5:57 PM :D

you rawk my world, man

me: haha

buck rogers: so how's school going?

me: so/so

its okay

buck rogers: what's your thesis?

5:58 PM me: it's going to be about.....

6:01 PM buck rogers: haha

you can buy a truck or a penis for the same amount of money

hmm

tough decision!

me: hahaha

6:02 PM buck rogers: what does that even mean (your thesis topic)?

6:05 PM i go truck!

6:09 PM ugh

that witch from wasila needs to seriously go

NOW

(that is: national oranization of women-style)

6:10 PM ooh, elizabeth hasselbeck is "sassy"!

be afraid, be VERY afraid

CARIBOU BARBY

aaaaack!

"yeah baby, i want to see you wearing nothing but a flag-pin"

6:11 PM me: lol

buck rogers: wtf, can't even spell barbie...(northampton definitely removes you from mainstream society)

6:12 PM i want to see caribou barbie naked (except for a flag-pin), taking out the TRASH!

me: you should comment on my blog

buck rogers: wow, that would turn me ON!

me: can i post this conversation in my blog?

The moral to this story is that if you want to compare me to Monica Lewinsky, you are mistaken.

And look at my native american earring, and my cheap coat, and the ring i got out of a cracker jack box...

2008-10-26T21:05:00.001-07:00

This is from later on at the rally. Nice cover up, Sarah. I'm surprised that you didn't come walking onto stage wearing a $300 burlap sack.

Also, does she mention her Native American earrings to make us think that she is wearing something special and sentimental? Are we going to fall for it, or is it too tacky?

Elisabeth Hasselbeck WTF

2008-10-26T18:12:00.000-07:00

will somebody please tell me what "honor killing" has to do with sarah palin? also, she wants to ban abortion to save our "unborn daughters?" and why does hasselbeck keep making references to cleaning and being a house wife wrt sarah palin? this new strain of republican feminism is hella ridiculous. palin is just making up positions on issues that sound feminist-y. deceptively feminist. am i afraid? no way. you would have to be completely stupid to actually believe that her ill-concieved ideas are pro-women, and i would like to give the american public more credit than that.

putchie, the repressed groupie

2008-10-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

i drove out to the res to meet s at the pow wow. he has gained some fame recently for acting in a film that will be coming out soon. he was invited out there to read some of his poems. he was my first boyfriend ever, from back when i was 12. i had such a huge crush on him back then. i remember feeling so shy that i couldn't move very easily when he was around, let alone talk. i liked s a lot but by the end of eighth grade had decided that i liked his best friend better, and that's how we left it. we haven't really talked since then.

where am i going with this. i guess i just want to say that i am still glowing from our encounter. i think i broke through the fame-shell and got to the real s, the s i used to know... except, an adult now. a really intelligent, attractive, friendly adult who i wish i could spend more time with.

buck angel is my hero

2008-10-25T09:08:00.001-07:00

i felt the need to post this for a few reasons. 1. jezebel hasn't posted any good saturday morning fodder yet 2. i wish i could be a gay guy, just like buck. 3. it seemed like the second thing i should post to this blog. sets the tone, if you will.

i think the best thing about this video is how flushed jenson is at the end. he doesn't want to like it, but you can tell he's so turned on...

was fucking in the backyard a bad idea?

2008-10-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

hey kids. i just woke up. it's 11 am and man, i have some odd memories from the night before. the mixture of tequila and beer after beer after beer is pretty much making me feel. well, i don't think there is a comparison i can put here that isn't overused already. but to quote the silver jews, "i'm like a rabbit freezing on a star."

now comes the guilty feeling where i mourn the idiocies. it was a great party, really it was... lots of cool people, my best friend b, some people from my department, and we were all having a great time. then came the nudity. i was dancing around topless with my friends when all the sudden there's a strong hand going down the front of my pants. i'm a sucker for those. the next thing we know, we're in the yard fucking like dogs. all i remember is the queefing. what even causes that, when you're just doin it doggie style? it's the guy's fault, right? well, i figured out later in the night that he was gay, so i think he was doing it undeliberately and probably fantasizing about someone else. not taking the initiative to fuck me doggie style, you know. so there was queefing.

of course we got walked in on by a troupe of nakeds, and the fucking ended. but they all had, in that moment, created a monster. this is the part of the night that i really regret- getting into over-sex mode. because i just walked around this party half-cocked and ready to go. i grabbed the next boy that i had been flirting with and we also made out in the backyard. then i went inside and began groping every girl that crossed my path. i think this was where i went wrong. luckily, no one got offended and slapped me, but i definitely didn't get any. so i rode home, and as i was leaving there was a croud of boys complaining that i wasn't taking them home. sorry, but that party is going to stay at the party.