was fucking in the backyard a bad idea?

hey kids. i just woke up. it's 11 am and man, i have some odd memories from the night before. the mixture of tequila and beer after beer after beer is pretty much making me feel. well, i don't think there is a comparison i can put here that isn't overused already. but to quote the silver jews, "i'm like a rabbit freezing on a star."

now comes the guilty feeling where i mourn the idiocies. it was a great party, really it was... lots of cool people, my best friend b, some people from my department, and we were all having a great time. then came the nudity. i was dancing around topless with my friends when all the sudden there's a strong hand going down the front of my pants. i'm a sucker for those. the next thing we know, we're in the yard fucking like dogs. all i remember is the queefing. what even causes that, when you're just doin it doggie style? it's the guy's fault, right? well, i figured out later in the night that he was gay, so i think he was doing it undeliberately and probably fantasizing about someone else. not taking the initiative to fuck me doggie style, you know. so there was queefing.

of course we got walked in on by a troupe of nakeds, and the fucking ended. but they all had, in that moment, created a monster. this is the part of the night that i really regret- getting into over-sex mode. because i just walked around this party half-cocked and ready to go. i grabbed the next boy that i had been flirting with and we also made out in the backyard. then i went inside and began groping every girl that crossed my path. i think this was where i went wrong. luckily, no one got offended and slapped me, but i definitely didn't get any. so i rode home, and as i was leaving there was a croud of boys complaining that i wasn't taking them home. sorry, but that party is going to stay at the party.